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lyrics

Red Light Runner (Petaluma Hit & Runner)

jesus cocked his head and grinned at robot and said, i bet i can make the light. robot looked over at jesus in horror and said, are you out of your mind? so jesus gassed the Prius up to 72, a red light runner down western avenue. after a lull of silence jesus said casually, school is letting out, what do you say robot, we have us some fun? there’s a Montessori on spring hill, perfect for a hit and run.

robot began to tell a joke with hopes that it would relieve some tension but jesus was just going uh-huh-yeah, it was clear he wasn’t listening. why did et the extraterrestrial love to eat reeces pieces when visiting earth? this caught jesus’s attention for a moment he looked deep in thought only to say, tell me why did et love reeces pieces so much god dammit? because the taste reminded him of the cum on his planet.

jesus was drooling on himself with tears in his eyes, he was laughing so hard but then he said, but seriously robot, do you know why the Toyota Prius is such an awesome car? robot said while giving the jerking off motion, i guess their gas mileage makes them great. no, no smiled jesus, their quiet and children can’t hear them until it’s too late.

there’s a little kid and parent crossing the street at our 12 o clock, someone yelled hey watch out here comes that damn jesus and his robot. the street was clear, lined with parents clutching kids, jesus avoided eye contact and robot ducked down and hid. oh well, you know it was worth a shot, what do you say robot we go to lala’s and get us some ice cream? don’t worry about paying because this one is on me. oh fuck yeah robot, this one is on me.

credits

from Razors, Wrists & Words of Encouragement: Songs For Children of Disillusionment & Joy, released January 1, 2014

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Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more

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