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Go Be Happy Somewhere Else: Songs To Ruin Your Day

by Jesus & The Robot

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1.
2.
Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. Post traumatic stress order has a play date with a psychotherapist and it’s going to be great. Depression and chronic pain can tag along they can talk about everything that has gone wrong. Since I’ve been back, I’ve had dissociative spells that vacay in Iraq did not serve me very well. Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. (What the hell, what the hell) Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. I didn’t bring home just PTSD I also brought home a traumatic brain injury Will I meet Alzheimer's it’s hard to tell for all I know the invites in the mail. Ischemic small vessel disease on my mind because on a MRI that’s what you’ll find. Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. (What the hell, what the hell) Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. My declining mental health. This play date is getting hyphy as fuck maybe later dementia might show up but for now all my ailments are having fun asking around if anybody had brought a gun? Oh, those mental illness rascals never quit they always come up with the wildest shit. Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. (What the hell, what the hell) Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. (What the hell, what the hell) Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. (What the hell, what the hell) Awhhhh what fresh hell, Yeah, I’m talking about my mental health. I’m not doing so swell I guess you could say I’m unwell. Oh, what fresh hell. Oh, what fresh hell. I’m talking about my mental health.
3.
Women’s rights are human rights. It’s their body. it’s their choice. Abortion providers save lives. the Pro Lifers are out to destroy. You won’t trust them with a choice but you trust them with a baby? Here’s a public cervix announcement pro-lifers are crazy. Instead of comprehensive sex education and keeping abortions safe and legal. We get draconian legislation making unwanted pregnancies lethal Abstinence and ignorance are not safe alternatives and democrats on the fence with this are no better than those conservatives. Keep your god damn rosaries out of her fucking ovaries. Go mind your own uterus boys It’s not your fucking choice. Having control over your own body shouldn’t be a fucking crime. What’s next, handmaidens tales or the lottery? i guess we’ll know in a matter of time.
4.
I am Cletus and you are so pretty would you like to chat with, with me? on twitter I follow you but you don’t follow me back (that’s okay) I live where you live, I know where you work and stay I even know your favorite place to go for a run Your social media shows me what you do for fun I heard you like The Office from a kid I know I’m more into One Piece but I know the show I studied it for weeks and waited for you to jog by I gave you my best Michael Gary Scott, you didn’t even say hi You just looked at me annoyed and ran faster away Wasted a week on that whore, she never came back that way My name, is Jeb, I am, an incel beta males, like me, live in, sexless hell All the nice guys, all us good guys, finish last All the nice girls, all the good girls, want a Chad I hate women but I want one to fuck To cook me dinner and to keep stuff cleaned up To look purty when we go out and not talk too much I’m a really great guy whose just unlucky with love
5.
So your vaxxed to the max and healthy so hooray no more wearing a mask when you go out for the day but people are still at risk and you can be a vessel but hey who gives a shit you’re a selfish asshole. is it that you don’t care or totally unaware feel you’ve done your share but people are still dying everywhere so out of sight, out of mind you’re vaxxed so you’re golden you’re like, fuck the compromised it’s not your fault their immune systems broken or that their white blood cells can’t fight infections off, so so too hell with the vulnerable yeah, you’re a selfish asshole. is it that you don’t care or just so unaware feel you’ve done your share but people are still dying everywhere Hey, thanks progressive guy who doesn’t question why it’s okay for some but not others to die die die die When I go to pick the kids up I’ll be among a sea of dumbasses waves of parents not giving a fuck I’d like to kick some parents asses where’s your mask hipster dad and what about you doctor mommy I hate you really, really bad you selfish assholes aren’t very funny is it that you don’t care or maybe unaware feel you’ve done your share but people are still dying everywhere So go ahead and look at me like I’m nuts I honestly couldn’t give any less of a fuck
6.
Oh shit! Look at that! I made a cut that’s what happens when you don’t give a fuck and what do you know, there’s some blood Calm down, it’s not that bad, I could’ve done worse I could be taking a ride in a long black hearse but I’m not, I’m finishing this verse I’m done, like, I’m really done what do they say? shit happens when your having fun I hate myself and I want to die I’d upset my family if I committed suicide I don’t necessarily want to give up on life so I cut myself to feel alive. Oh dear! Looks like a panic attack I could swerve into that oncoming Cadillac just like that I’m back in Iraq It’s okay. I’m alright. I’ll be just fine. Passive suicidal ideation is an old friend of mine. I lose my shit and talk about killing myself all of the time. Fuck it. I’m done. Enough is enough. What do they say? Shit happens when you don’t give a fuck. I can’t kill myself you wanna know why? life insurance can’t be collected if I commit suicide and it would be difficult for my kids and wife so basically that’s why I’m still alive. I’m still bleeding, maybe I should tend to it but I’m more like fuck it, let it bleed, who gives a shit? I get so sad and mad at myself for not being able to get a hold of my mental health I wonder if my family will get for me an elf on the shelf because their worried daddy might hurt himself. I know it can be hard to believe that in order not to stab myself to death it’s better to bleed a cut here, a slash there with tattoos who needs sleeves? I hate myself for stabbing me.
7.
There is a house in New Orleans not the one you’re thinking of this house is a secret place for protection when somebody wants to play in your blood. Let’s just say that you turned witness a snitch you’ve become you know that snitches generally get stitches so to a safe house off you run There is a house in New Orleans not the one you’re familiar with unless you’ve done time there a house where your life is shit Let’s just say you’ve received a lengthy sentence it’s practically Jim Crow in there so you get treated as less than and also fear for your life but when you’re in prison nobody cares. There is a house in New Orleans not the one you’re used to hearing about in this house you go if you’ve gone cuckoo here you are left to scream and shout. Let’s just say the courts had ruled you mad so they toss you in a padded room lobotomies and electroshock therapies in a straitjacket you can hardly move. There are so many different houses and not just in New Orleans alone border ones, half way ones, nursing ones not every house is a home.
8.
(Intro-Chorus) I bet you’d know it if Justin Tucker was up your ass kicking fucking footballs Let’s make frog legs out of Pepe the frog and feed them to the fucking dog feed that fucker to the fucking dog It’s always going to be okay to punch nazis in their fucking face If you won’t wear a mask during a pandemic you’re probably a massive asshole odds are good you’re a selfish asshole. (Verse 1) Black Lives Matter so you can take your all lives matter shit and shove them right up your, your racist ass, your white privileged ass I like it when die Trump Die is trending Do you know what gives me really good feelings? Kyle Rittenhouse getting shot in the back of his head, on the way to his car (Chorus) I bet you’d know it if Robbie Gould was up your ass kicking fucking footballs Let’s make frog legs out of Pepe the frog and feed them to the fucking dog feed that fucker to the fucking dog (Verse 2) So you don’t wear a mask, you won’t wear one, it’s just a flu And it’s assholes like you, that’ll keep this thing from ever going away-yay You think the vaccine would be tracking you you’re on your smartphone using Bluetooth Hey shithead guess what? Your privacy has been fucked (Chorus) It’s always going to be okay to punch nazis in their fucking face If you won’t wear a mask during a pandemic you’re probably a massive asshole odds are good you’re a selfish asshole. (Verse 3) Hey look it’s another Maggot Qnut going on and on about pedophiles As if the commander in chief before this one wasn’t the biggest pedophile of them all. (Chorus) I bet you’d know it if Matt Prater was up your ass kicking fucking footballs Let’s make frog legs out of Pepe the frog and feed them to the fucking dog It’s always going to be okay to punch nazis in their fucking face If you won’t wear a mask during a pandemic you’re probably a massive asshole odds are good you’re a selfish asshole. Libertarians make for good assholes. Republicans are fucking assholes. Democrats are fucking assholes. So many fucking assholes. (Verse 4) Hey look it’s a libertarian crying about something, of course it’s something about their freedom liberty dwindling wah wah wah wah (Chorus) I bet you’d know it if Ryan Succop was up your ass kicking footballs Let’s make frog legs out of Pepe the frog and feed them to the fucking dog (Verse 5) I bet you’d know it if Chris Boswell was up your ass kickin footballs all over the place I wonder how that pepe frog would taste It’ll always be okay to punch nazis in their stupid face come on baby let’s make america great we can make america great come on baby make america great we can do it, make america great come on baby, let’s make america great we can do it, we can make america great
9.
Do you find yourself thinking, wondering if those second amendment blowhards keep their guns and ammo magazines next to the lotion jar? Do you find yourself thinking, wondering if, those backwoods fuck stick militia boys have confederated circle jerks, with their high powered toys? It shouldn’t be considered that unreasonable making gun laws more sensible. Start by banning extended clips and stricter background checks making them harder to get. Oh look, it’s a pro life mob looking for a Planned Parenthood to bomb. Standing out in front of the clinic harassing anybody who goes near it. Holding up their stupid signs of dead babies and biblical lines. Oh for christ sake, get the fuck out of here, nobody cares. It shouldn’t be harder for women to access healthcare or get an abortion. Why is comprehensive sex education considered taboo you abstinence only fools?
10.
Hey this guy on twitter suggested to me a song about haraki, I’m not even sure if I’m saying it right. Nonetheless it’s basically about ripping your own guts out with a dagger or knife in a ceremonial way. If you’ve disgraced your warrior peers and the last sounds you hear are all the cheers from your so called friends chanting harakiri. You probably stabbed yourself with something really sharp right in the abdomen tearing your guts apart. Spilling your intestines out all over the floor, your honors all over the floor. Now let’s pretend you were to ask me my thoughts on haraki and of course I’ll pretend that you did just that. I personally feels it’s a bit extreme what kind of person does that sorta thing? maybe those dudes at some being a better man retreat. (oh look) he’s becoming a better man complete with spirit animal a wolf and a tiger man pointing at a man camel now I guess it’s time for some haraki. hell yeah, time for some haraki, oh yeah. Somewhere in a basement some creeps perusing the internet looking for some women to harass, To harass. Harass on the twitter. He’s a man but he feels emasculated around women, he feels berated. if you make him cry enough he’ll call you a cuck. he’ll call you a cuck. he’ll call you a cuck. A cuck. Oh yeah. Because that’s what, these dudes always do scared of feminism the equivalent to saying boo. These misogynists are fucking cry babies. Well, since you’re so proud I’ve got an idea for you first cry me a river and then join the haraki crew. Stab yourself in the stomach rip your guts out
11.
Let me see what I got for you. Hold on stay right there! Hey! Wait? Where’d they all go? I just had some right here. Nope not a fuck here. No fuck there. No fucks. Not a single fuck. I can’t find any fucks. I could’ve swore I had at least one, I must’ve dropped it somewhere. Hold on, let me double check I say as I pat my pockets down I turned my pockets inside out not a single fuck to be found. A bunch of fucks in different tones Fucks? Yeah, I ran out of those I’ve got no fucks to give You should try that house up the street it’s a fuck giving collective. If there was anywhere you could get a fuck, I think it would be there. (Assortment of fucks) I have no fucks to share or give to you.
12.
Therapist -Hey! Where would you like to start today? Anything particular you’d like to focus on? {Verse 1} Well I suppose, not much has changed, I still very much want to die. Not a day goes by where I don’t find myself, daydreaming up some suicide. Did you know, in Iraq, there were times I’d get so mad where I’d cut myself before each convoy the things you’ll do to find some joy. Therapist -Ummm. Interesting. Tell me more about that? {Verse 2} Well okay, I guess it’s like this, have you ever gotten so pissed not at anybody, only yourself and there’s no one to ask for help. so instead, you take a razor blade, from the pack you bought the other day and you stand up in turret behind the fifty giving your forearm a cutting quickie. Therapist -So, what I’m hearing you say is….you are feeling not very happy at all… -Triggers Thoughts In My Head- This fucking guy and his mind blowing observations. Did he say, I’m not feeling very happy at all? What the fuck does that mean? Define happy, whaaa- Therapist -Hey! We lost ya there for a second. What were you thinking about just now? Me- Your observations are stupid Therapist -What do you think that means? {Verse 3} Well I suppose, I guess it means, that I think your observations aren’t very keen. you reflect back to me the shit I say to you and expect me to gobble it up like some damn fool? Challenge me, challenge me, make me question what I see if you can’t do that, what am I doing here? I’d rather be over there {because over there isn’t here and here sucks so for personal mental health reasons, I’m now going to go over there to get away from here}
13.
I don’t care what you have to say I like that Phoebe Bridgers kid she’s a helluva song writer who’ll only get better, better with time but I know sadness when I see it trauma and depression couldn’t careless whether or not you’re famous malevolent or benign. I still find myself getting upset when thinking about Elliott Smith what if he was murdered and never actually committed suicide? Let’s say hypothetically that weezer guy the one who’s super incelish the dork with a Japanese girl fetish was behind how Elliott died. That fucking Rivers twerp wanted Elliott’s girlfriend so Jennifer got in on it they’d make it look like a suicide. What kind of world do we live in that takes away David Berman that Purple Mountains record it sort of changed my life. Crisis lines can be funny sometimes the lines get fuzzy something gets misinterpreted and you both have a laugh. I know that when I’m depressed the last thing I’m fucking thinking about is talking to some stranger on the crisis line staff. Profit driven healthcare fucking killed Jason Molina he’d still be here making beautiful songs till this day and the same can be said for poor old Vic Chesnutt hospital bills & foreclosure overdosed on Christmas Day. I’m just spitballing here let’s say that Vic didn’t die maybe that would’ve made the load more bearable who knows what could’ve happen if Mark Linkous had one less thing on his plate that day he wouldn’t have felt so terrible. Humans are barbaric, sanctimonious and stupid full of venom so putrid they’ll stab you in the back to move up that ladder so many good people get fucked over while filthy rich plutocrats pockets get fatter & fatter. So in a world so fucking shitty I do come with a theory we need art and creativity to make the day worth it for me it’s music, film and books talking shit and philosophizing analyzing song meanings oh the things you do to stay mentally fit. So hold on Conor, hold on Phoebe hold on sweet Jenny we need you to keep making and sharing your art There have been so many great songs that have gotten me through the day so stay alive & do your part.
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15.
(verse 1) All lives cannot matter until black lives matter and that doesn’t mean your life less matters cops kill black people it happens all the time cops killing black people like being black is a crime cops say they were scared that they feared for their lives that’s the excuse they use to take away black lives (Chorus) low (I’d like to boogie woogie, I’d like to boogie woogie) higher (on a fucking piggies grave, on a fucking coppers grave) (verse 2) Beware of white people they are like a casserole made of privilege and guilt fucking entitled assholes And yes I am a white guy I’m an anarcho-communist and I am not exempt of doing something racist allies should be unconditional sticking by your side not just a fucking hashtag raise a fist, time to pick a side (Chorus) low (I’d like to take a piss, I’d like to piss all over) higher (on a fucking pigs grave, on a fucking cops grave) (verse 3) Cops are fucking pigs and pigs are fucking cops their union will protect them and the pig will get off maybe they’ll get paid leave and then a reassignment so then that fucking pig is back onto the streets with their knee on the neck someone else can’t breath pulling out their gun shooting somebody dead (Chorus) low (I’d like to boogie woogie, I’d like to boogie woogie) higher (on a fucking piggies grave, on a fucking coppers grave) (verse 4) If you support the thin blue line you’re a pig apologist cops are fucking thugs cops are fucking gangsters fucking cops shouldn’t be militarized to the teeth I say defund the police who fucking needs them? take them to the slaughterhouse to meet their fucking maker put the piggies out to pasture and yes, all cops are bastards (Chorus) low (I’d like to take a piss, I’d like to piss all over) higher (on a fucking pigs grave, on a fucking cops grave)
16.
Big Feelings 02:19
That’s not a feeling, it’s a judgement, actually it’s just an opinion Could you give us an I statement? Or try to name the feeling? But you couldn’t fucking do it, you wouldn’t know where to begin feelings scare the shit out of you, it’s a part of being masculine. Remember that pit bull your family took in? I think his name was Marley? You were high & on all fours you got in his face snarling. You were laughing at first but then Marley mauled you pretty bad It was sort of weird that you didn’t understand why he got mad. Who are you to tell me that I should learn to like myself? said the cheeky lady with the chart in charge of your mental health At your brand new psychiatric unit, there’s a nurse and she has a gift At your tarot card reading, she gave you less than a week to live. You decide that before you die, you want a brand new doggie so you checked out and brought home a Chihuahua named her lieutenant Dodgey. Little Dodgey you nicknamed her, mauled you while you slept, found a week later by a neighbor there wasn’t much of you left. Who knew that a chihuahua could inflict so much mayhem it would take one barbaric chihuahua to do what it did to that man That man wasn’t just a man, that man was my sponsor so I stand at his grave pouring out some of my forty in his honor I am having big feelings and I don’t know what to do with them I keep making I statements but then I forget them and have to start all over again. Now I am living on my own with my dog named Betsy I keep a loaded pistol under the chair cushion in case she wants to test me.
17.
What kind of asshole doesn’t understand that no means fucking no not fucking maybe or I’m not sure and definitely isn’t a green light for go. Why is it so hard to believe that nobody wants your green eggs and ham That poor guy turned them down over and over what the fuck is your problem Sam? He doesn’t want to eat them, he made that clear none of your what about nows fucking matter he doesn’t want them here, there or anywhere but Sam couldn’t take no for an answer What about that dog in go dog go the pompous asshole who was a brat to that lady dog who always asked him whether or not he liked her hat. He would always snub her and say no but she kept trying again and again until he finally approved her hat choice and they drove off together as friends. I like to think they drove somewhere quiet and that’s where she took a tire iron to his head and then put him in the trunk to push it into the lake, leaving him dead. And what about Gus, Gus the firefly who thought it was hella funny to fuck with lives not giving a shit if his word tricks were dangerous and that people could actually die. Sam the owl tried to tell him but Gus was a stubborn snot who wouldn’t quit and his luck ran out when the hot dog man caught him and even though Gus talked hella shit Sam was a pretty forgiving owl Gus misspelling directions in the sky was fucked up & they’re lucky no one got hurt but Sam wouldn’t let Gus the firefly die. What about that Bartholomew Cubbins dude who got busted by that King Darwin dick because every hat he removed, another appeared and like a prick he took it as disrespect. King assholes are used to having their way no matter how unreasonably unfair it may be he even tried to have Bart beheaded but then the hats got more fancy. Now the King saw something in it for him he exploited and bought out that Bart boy He forgot all about wanting to kill him because fancy hats brought the king joy. I fucking hate stories of nobility princesses, princes, queens and kings learned propaganda and class assimilation is really, a real thing. Look no further than children tales of old to see how our society values women and it’s not very well, actually it’s pretty terrible. Look at Hansel and Gretel to see what I mean. Spineless bastard daddy just as guilty as that stepmother if you ask me Hansel & Gretel should’ve taken a shovel to the back of the head of their daddy and with that same shovel, they could’ve buried him and built an outhouse on his grave with all those gems
18.
The UPS Man 03:28
(INTRO) Oh fuck yeah baby! That’s right! We’re going back to the old old old old school. Come on y’all. Dun Dun Dun with me!!!! (First Verse) Oh look! The UPS Truck is parking across the street and you know I am watching. He’s got a package, I wonder where he’s going it could be for anyone there’s no way of knowing Maybe this one is for Casa San Jose because it looks like he is walking that way The UPS Man at least is being responsible wearing a mask so people don’t wind up in the hospital. He’s dropped off the box now he’s back at his truck he’s been back there for awhile, what the fuck? (Chorus) Is it Delta or Omnicom Coronavirus will never be gone because stupid anti-maskers and stupid anti-vaxxers are selfish, entitled pieces of trash take your liberty and shove it up your ass the reason why we are still wearing masks you can thank your local idiot libertarian for that (Second Verse) Oh look! He’s got another package to deliver he’s walking this way, wait, don’t come over here. The front steps, the UPS Man is now ascending with a package under his arm and I am pretending that we’re not home, I’m not answering the door Why the fuck would I want to sign a DIAD for? Even if a signature is required, I’m not signing it what’s in the package? Is it Covid? You can keep that shit. I’m not trying to wind up in the hospital bed without a ventilator, not enough doctors, you wind up dead. (Chorus) Is it Delta or Omnicom Coronavirus will never be gone because stupid anti-maskers and stupid anti-vaxxers are selfish, entitled pieces of trash take your liberty and shove it up your ass the reason why we are still wearing masks you can thank libertarians for that (Third Verse) Oh look! The UPS Man is driving away, I’m not comfortable even if I got emitted, I don’t want to die in some hospital. Being quarantined alone with doctors only no family allowed, it would be lonely but at least you’ll get to die-eye die-eye, die-eye live on facetime-yime that is if the connection is even good at all tubes up your nose and down your throat, forget about a last call. now there’s no way for you or me to say bye-bye we can’t even get to die live on facetime-ime.
19.
Cute flag broski, cute flag broski. do tell me. will you please tell me. is your flag flammable. is your flag flammable? of course it is. of course it is. Cute flag fuckface, cute flag fuckface jingoistic, nationalist pig Tell me, do you stand before it, pledging allegiance to it while jerking off, jerking off? Flags are good for, yes flags are good for wiping your ass, wiping asses Flags can also be rather helpful if you need to build a fire. watch them burn, watch them burn.
20.
(Verse 1) Four tramodols and a whiskey sour should have me frisky in about an hour somethings scratching at the door that means getting off the floor fuck that I’m good right where I’m at it’s using the key under the mat let itself in without hesitation awwwwwwh fuck, it’s depression (Verse 2) Hey pal didn’t you just leave slowly getting up on my knees it puts out a hand to help me up slapping that shit away I tell it get fucked it points and laughs at me I personally don’t see what’s funny look who’s back at the medicine cabinet —that guy over there has a bad pill habit— (Verse 3) Four klonopin and a glass of wine and depression and I will be just fine trying to remember what my therapist said taking deep breathes wishing I was dead nothing ever changes it grows inside of me razors are used when I need to bleed with veins wrapped in skin like gifts let’s open that shit up with a slit slit slit (Verse 4) Me and depression just hanging out listening to records talking about whether if we would be better off if our superegos just didn’t exist flip over the black heart procession I can’t get up you do it depression on the floor right here we’ll stay how many hours are left in the day (Verse 5) I tripled my dose on my cannabis tincture inside my head lives a terrible creature pulling strings like an unstable puppeteer you can make me dance I’ll sing with a sneer depression shouts something over the music can’t hear anything but a girl whose losing it bringing self harm back into fashion self mutilation listening to Belle & Sebastian (Verse 6) Here I am back on the floor somethings knocking at the door I can’t get up I’m done with this depression says no worries, I’ll get it I hear the door open voices are unclear I take it that’s him right there? it won’t be long before he takes his last breath well I’ll see you later depression says to death
21.

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This album is from the perspective of Jesus & The Robot who are driving around with a senator tied up and gagged in the trunk.

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released July 2, 2022

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Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more

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