We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Razors, Wrists & Words of Encouragement: Songs For Children of Disillusionment & Joy

by Jesus & The Robot

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $2 USD  or more

     

1.
Red Light Runner (Petaluma Hit & Runner) jesus cocked his head and grinned at robot and said, i bet i can make the light. robot looked over at jesus in horror and said, are you out of your mind? so jesus gassed the Prius up to 72, a red light runner down western avenue. after a lull of silence jesus said casually, school is letting out, what do you say robot, we have us some fun? there’s a Montessori on spring hill, perfect for a hit and run. robot began to tell a joke with hopes that it would relieve some tension but jesus was just going uh-huh-yeah, it was clear he wasn’t listening. why did et the extraterrestrial love to eat reeces pieces when visiting earth? this caught jesus’s attention for a moment he looked deep in thought only to say, tell me why did et love reeces pieces so much god dammit? because the taste reminded him of the cum on his planet. jesus was drooling on himself with tears in his eyes, he was laughing so hard but then he said, but seriously robot, do you know why the Toyota Prius is such an awesome car? robot said while giving the jerking off motion, i guess their gas mileage makes them great. no, no smiled jesus, their quiet and children can’t hear them until it’s too late. there’s a little kid and parent crossing the street at our 12 o clock, someone yelled hey watch out here comes that damn jesus and his robot. the street was clear, lined with parents clutching kids, jesus avoided eye contact and robot ducked down and hid. oh well, you know it was worth a shot, what do you say robot we go to lala’s and get us some ice cream? don’t worry about paying because this one is on me. oh fuck yeah robot, this one is on me.
2.
Neighborhood Watch (Strangers Are Dangerous) If you observe suspicious behavior, you best call it in, sooner rather than later. It’s your duty as an alert citizen, from a window, you can keep tabs on them from your kitchen. Your neighbors, could be terrorists, so watch them from cracks in the fence. You can never tell whose living next door, bin laden or mary tyler moore. Keeping to yourself is much safer or risk becoming a victim of that neighbor and who is this strange character? Gimme the phone, I gotta report this stranger. Your neighbors, might be bad guys, it’s up to you to keep a watchful eye. You never know who lives on your street, john wayne gacy or that kid from dawson’s creek. Mcgruff the crime dog sure knew plenty on how to police your own community. Deadbolt locs and sensor lights for style and keeping 9-1-1 on redial. Your neighbors are dangerous, they’re strangers who are dangerous. He’s different, so suspicious, call the sheriff, I believe he’s dangerous.
3.
Grown Ups Come Back (Oh, Do They?) You are loved by your dad and mom, they make better all that’s gone wrong. They make you feel so safe and warm, they protect and provide you shelter from the storm. Grown ups come back, oh yes it’s true. Grown ups come back, why of course they do. Unless they got in a horrible car accident, oh fucking god dammit or is this the way god had planned it. Life can be so tragic, your parents are here and then poof they’re gone. Not just one but both of them. Did god give them what they deserve? Just yesterday you were all together, life was so good, things could’t of been better. Coloring pictures, reading books, playing games outside, getting tickle butts and daddy rocket rides. When your sick and blue they took care of you that was of course up until they died. Grown ups don’t always come back, that’s a reality, not a reassuring fantasy, an illusion to keep you happy. Bad shit happens, life has no guarantees. Fucking liars, parents always come back? Oh do they? Oh will they? Unless they were killed violently by a psychopath while out on a date for dinner, movie and some coffee but instead your mom and dad ran into a maniac who gutted them and left them for dead. The later it got, the more worried you get, babysitter tried both cells to no avail. When the headlights skirted by the living room window, everyone ran outside, so hopeful. Only to see a squad car and right then you knew it, they all knew it, grown up come back is a lie and you know it.
4.
Rage Muffin (You Got Rage) kill, kill, kill, kill. kill, kill, kill, kill. kill, kill, kill, kill. kill, kill, kill, kill. you got rage. well, you can punch it, you can choke it, you can scream and you can kick it when you got rage. when the room starts spinning and that demon inside is grinning, you got rage. ride a toys are being hurled across the yard at boys and girls because of rage. ah, veins bulging out on your face, you’re about to blow your top (oh fuck yeah). veins popping out of your neck (oh fuck yeah). you start seeing red, gave yourself a concussion because you’re a rage muffin. well, you can slit it, you can stab it, you totally lock and load it when you got rage. your trying not to loose it but the voice in your head wants you to do it, you got rage. you could end your life and not think twice because of rage. veins bulging on your face, you’re about to blow your top (oh fuck yes). veins popping out of your neck (oh fuck yes). you start seeing red, gave yourself a concussion because your a rage muffin. well, you can smoke it, you can snort it, you can drink and self medicate it when you got rage. when you try to numb the pain yet the problems remain the same, you got rage. you find it hilarious to bounce balls of kids faces because of rage. well, you can mask it, you can deny it, you can run and hide from it when you got rage. your taking anger management but you still can’t handle it, you got rage. you’ve chased a hippie down and you’re beating him to the ground because of rage. veins bulging on your face, you’re about to blow your top (oh fuck yes). veins popping out of your neck (oh fuck yes). you start seeing red, gave yourself a concussion because your a rage muffin. kill, kill, kill, kill. kill, kill, kill, kill. kill, kill, kill, kill. kill, kill, kill, kill. you got rage.
5.
Raging Hard On (The Evil Within) raging hard on for absolute control. raging hard on for obscene power. raging hard on for tormented souls. raging hard on for turning sweet into sour and the evil within allows you to grin ear to ear with a hearty laugh. raging hard on you divide and conquer waits to unveil its brutal wrath. raging hard on to destroy the world. raging hard on to make others suffer. raging hard on to crucify little boys and girls. raging hard on to ravage and plunder and the evil within falls to the floor laughing with tears in their eyes. raging hard on to see to it that every child dies. raging hard on to always be right. raging hard on for god and country. raging hard on to win the good fight. raging hard on for hands to be good and bloody and the vil within has turned your face bright red with sweat and veins popping out of your neck. raging hard on to let out a laugh in the face of sadness and death. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
6.
Ambulance Chaser jesus looked over at robot, he was grinning ear to ear. robot shook his head, said don’t wanna know and i don’t care. they were following an ambulance, jesus said that it would fun. robot had a gut feeling that trouble was to come. so we followed the ambulance even through the red lights, oh jesus laughed hysterically at the thoughts he had in his mind. jesus finally got ahold of himself and when he finally spoke, he asked robot if he’d like to hear one of his most awesome jokes. knowing he was a sucker for a good one and it would hopefully improve his mood. robot right on que, gave in and said, go ahead and tell me dude. jesus said, why did hitler kill himself? robot responded with why? because he got the gas bill, jesus said with tears in his eyes. the two were laughing so hard they nearly ran off the road. robot gave jesus a fist bump and remembered exactly why they were bros. up ahead they saw a-bunch of lights, emergency vehicles everywhere. jesus said, oh fuck yeah robot, i think were finally here but do you remember jesus the last ambulance we chased, the look on that old guys on the stretchers face? it was clear he recognized you and thought you’d come to take him with you but instead you just waved and yelled, hang in there my buddy guy. the awe in his face turned to disappointment, it looked like he was gonna cry. we were laughing so hard, we exchanged high-fives, oh robot we were laughing so hard, the good times of you and i.
7.
School Shooter, Spree Shooter (What Have You Done?) School shooter, school shooter what have you done? In your messenger bag you have a loaded gun and now off to school, off to school you go. School shooter, school shooter who will you kill? Is it revenge? Or simply the thrill? Will the targets be random? Or those you actually know? High school politics, social circles, can create a sense of loneliness. Being awkward and so strange, privilege only adds to the hopelessness. Spree shooter, spree shooter your day is here. You are the one, society fears. Today you’ll go down, go down in history. Spree shooter, spree shooter you’re the apple pie and more than likely, a suburbanite white guy. A product of a damaged society. School shooter, spree shooter did you need medication? Was it the music on the radio station? Where there warning signs of a monster in the makin’? Of course there were but since your white, they’ll say you’re mentally ill but if you were of color, it would be terrorism or just another thug with a lust to kill. Spree shooter, school shooter let me guess, you feel like a victim? So naturally to feel better, random strangers you must kill them. Instead of a gun, sounds like you need to find the thumb. A culture designed to manufacture behaviors, akin to psycho-psychopaths. Competition and stress, judgement and injustice, of course violence is the aftermath. School shooter, spree shooter how will this end? What is the message you’re so desperate to send? It’s not too late to stay home or maybe it is.
8.
Freckles 02:43
Freckles when i was a kid, got a cocker spaniel named freckles. when you tried to pet her, she’d roll over and pee on herself. her previous owner abused her, i could tell you that much. i misspelled her name on the doghouse, it took awhile to earn her trust. i used to call her freckle-day-ous and make up songs about her, she had freckles on her nose, light brown spots on her white fur, these days, i miss her. endless days i spent with her playing catch in the backyard. taking photographs of her, making them into sports cards. as the years went by, our family grew apart, freckles suffered the most. i couldn’t stand to be at home if we allow the truth to be told. my sister and dad had moved out, it was just my mom and me, she was paranoid and depressed, lost grip of reality. back in those days, i lived in fantasy. it felt that weeks would go by where i wouldn’t see freckles at all. how she even got food and water, i honestly can't recall. before her time she died, the guess from a broken heart. i didn’t even get to say goodbye before dad buried her in the backyard and because of our neglect, freckles died alone, it was basically my fault, the guilt i still own, i wonder, had she found a happy home. so Freckles, here’s an overdue farewell, i couldn’t care for you, no more than i could myself, i’m sorry, i failed.
9.
The Story of The Failure of Francis The Ice Hockey Player hello children, back in summer of 2002, frannie, frances had a promising career in the field of ice hockey. he was quite the athlete and set several high school records but one day as a junior, frankie suffered a terrible injury, one that would end his hockey career prematurely. you see children, frannie got hooked on pain medications and started drinking heavily. not only did franny never return to the ice but he never finished high school due to his addictions which landed him in a rehabilitation center instead. after a few years, in and out of rehab, franny got clean and got himself a job at the local ice skating rink, issuing out skates and collecting fees. frances had a shot at going pro but that’s not going to happen now, he blew out his knee, tore some serious cartilage so now frances works at the roller rink. the one in his home town, issuing out skates, collecting fees, watching all the able bodies having fun, good times, ha, ha, they go round and round, they go, hi-fiving one another, laughing and enjoying their ability to skate, very much to the dismay of frances who sits behind the counter, watching, green with envy, day dreaming of the old days and what could of been.
10.
The Ballad Of Richie i’m getting older everyday, a step closer to the grave. actually i’m already more than half way there, you know what they say. it’s only a matter of time before i fall apart but i do think that i will make one hell of an old fart. yelling at kids while shaking my fist, cursing them all to hell. if anybodies willing to listen, i’ll tell you how your generation failed. moaning and groaning in diners, display of questionable behavior. whispering to little children, dying comes sooner or later. pretending i have dementia may be good for a few laughs. got a motorized wheel chair, sup it up to go fast. doing doughnuts in a rite-aid parking lot, act like i have hearing loss. when the cops come to ask me to stop, telling them simply to fuck off.
11.
Chairman Fred to tell you the honest truth there’s nothing like the feeling when you love what you do. these chains i have to break loose, i don’t need vicodin, red bull or grey goose. back to the roots where the body is a temple. the spirit is will power and discipline is mental. don’t allow distractions to throw me off my center, when i knell at the altar, fred hampton is my mentor. staying healthy, mentally is like a mantra, my son needs to see theres more to me than just trauma. dealing with my demons, dwelling in my conscious, trying hard to be a positive example for my daughter. trash bags full of empty pill cases, newcastle and negro modelo by the cases, was it a lack of discipline or deep self hatred, suppose it could of been a form os self-medication. stress on my mind, it was a way to escape it, wash away the problems when i didn’t want to face them. i told myself it was just recreation, i can stop anytime, it’s not like i’m free basing. but deep inside i felt my health deteriorating, got gout in my leg, these shingles so irritating. learning the hard way, first hand education, had to give my body a break and make some changes. i have to get back on solid foundation, tighten up my diet, workouts and meditation. i’m striving for balance, can’t let emotions go unmanned because if i do they will surface. i got a lot of work to do, starting with myself and i think it just might be worth it. sarah is the rock, giving me enlightenment, i want the kids to grow up in a loving environment. it doesn’t happen in a day, it takes loads of patience. still everyday is a challenge but i think i’m going to make it. you can’t run from the struggle, you have to embrace it, not worrying what others think, now that’s liberation.
12.
Junk Bond Song Fucking christ, oh here we go. Just another junk bond song to dumb you down, some good old fashioned pop trash, some manufactured artificial sound. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Do you feel like an inside joke? Of the day that everyones in on, well that’s everybody except you, you dope. And if you make the charts, your soul, you’ll part. The message of the A & R’s you must deliver. Every savior they must get thrown under the bus. Discarded like a sack full of puppies in a river. Hey fucker, you’re lyrics they read at best at a second grade level. Your songs lack integrity and creative substance. Your listeners, sadly, know no better. So sing and dance on que, record something new that sounds basically identical to the same ten songs that play on any given day, in every city or town, big or small. God damn, don’t get so desperate to make a name for yourself to fit in. Don’t let the fame go to your fucking head. Always on, does the posing ever end? Does it? Does it? Does it? Does it? Does it? Does it?

about

Petaluma had provided me a mellow atmosphere and full time child care has helped to keep me in non-triggering environments and I believe this had helped Jesus & The Robot evolve a bit more in areas of creativity and production.

credits

released January 1, 2014

Recorded at Western Ave. Petaluma, California

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more

contact / help

Contact Jesus & The Robot

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like Jesus & The Robot, you may also like: