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Vernon The Mentally Ill Squirrel
Vernon the squirrel was quite the loner, no friends or family, alone in the pines. Except of course, a treasured Katie Holmes button that he kept with him all of the time.
Conversations with katie, helped keep vernon sane while harvesting nuts for the winter. Unnoticed went the girl with a rudger number one Vermonter.
Vernon leapt to a branch safely, the bullet whizzed by, missing him barely, during the chaos he dropped miss katie.
The winter was brutal as was verns depression, isolated himself, never leaving his nook. Cabin fever had set in, vernon was so lonely, plus hunger put in her hooks.
Maniacally writing obscenities on the walls with his own feces. Ripping out patches of fur helped put his mind at ease.
The time had come to leave the hole, jumping like a lunatic through the snow. Happened upon a fox after a mile or so.
Are you looking for nuts? The fox said to vernon which made the squirrel smile, so full of hope. Nuts? Replied vernon, I am nuts he stated, right before he went for the foxes throat.
Vern began to drag that fox back home. He got a funny feeling he wasn’t alone. A hunter followed the blood trail in the snow.
Vernon turned around and began to choke, he noticed more than a barrel and the scope. The girl wore a katie holmes button on her coat.
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2. |
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Humans Are Bad (They Desire To Hurt You)
hello children, just in case you haven’t yet learned, the world is a very dangerous place, people if they’re not trying to get into your knickers, they are surly trying to get into your pocket and this doesn’t go for just strangers but for friends and family as well.
keep your guards up and always except the worst, be prepared for disaster, survival comes first. don’t trust people they are conniving and have an agenda, these are very important words for you to remember. humans are bad, they desire to hurt you, don’t trust anybody and question what they do. humans are bad, they desire to hurt you, don’t trust anybody and question everything they do
keep a watchful eye on the grown up and those goes for your parents too because one day they will grow up and probably want to hurt you. innocence will lost and replaced with evil and before you know it, you too will start hurting people so humans are bad, they desire to hurt you, don’t trust anybody and question everything they do, yeah, humans are bad, they desire to hurt you, don’t trust anybody and question everything they do.
you’ll start lying and taking advantage of one another or more than likely kill your sister and your brother. plot out plans that will destroy many, many lives. finding immense joy in making mothers fucking cry so humans are bad, they desire to hurt you, don’t trust anybody and question what they do, yeah! humans are bad, they desire to hurt you, don’t trust anybody and question everything they do.
so enjoy childhood, little child while you can because when you reach a certain age, you too will be damned. a lovely flower that will grow and bloom one day then wither and dry up inside because your doomed all the way. humans are bad, they desire to hurt you, they want to cut you up in little pieces and feed you to the zoo, yeah, so the other animals can eat human meat then they will laugh with their friends, all their friends.
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3. |
Klaus Kinski
02:50
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Klaus Kinski
have you ever received a phone call asking if you’ve checked on the children by an ominous stranger while downstairs watching television?
or have you heard meowing sounds from the attic but you don’t have a kitten?
i personally have not but i do receive a lot asking who’s swimming in my bathtub?
it was funny at first but it’s not so funny anymore
i’m turning on all the lights, checking the windows and the doors
i’ve tip-toed my way into the kitchen and got a knife from the drawer
if he calls again, i’ll try to confuse him by acting like mel gibson
and just in case that didn’t work, i put a tap on the phone
i got a call back from the police who said the calls were coming from inside my home
you know it’s sort of unsettling to realize that your not home alone
especially when you should be, i went into the bathroom and what did i see?
i went into the bathroom and what did i see, in my bath was klaus kinski.
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4. |
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The Devil Stole My Puppy (I'm Coming For You, Dogzilla)
up jumped the devil and god damn the angels began to sing. you don’t need to worry just keep your halos on and then the telephone rang. hello, hello there, is this satan? this is thee almighty god and i’m calling from petaluma, have you seen my dog? she is blonde, a Chihuahua mutt, goes by the name dogzilla. big pointy ears, curly tail, sort of resembles a chi-llama. she’s got a crooked nose, likes to chew her toes and if you happen to see her, don’t make eye contact, she has a chip on her shoulder, call me and i’ll send someone over and you can avoid death by dog attack.
the angels gasped as the devil laughed ever so playfully, you’re not god, i know who you are because i got caller id. hello, hello there, mr. nathan, yes you have reached satan and yes i have seen your dog and for you in hell she is waitin’. come join my angel orgy down here, nathan come on down, there is plenty of angel ass to go all around. then you can see your doggy, eating froggies on a loggie, floating on down the lake of fire and if you chose to decline, be sure to keep in your mind that i’ve always wanted my own puppy.
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5. |
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The Fervent Virtuoso (Postmortem Art Show)
the blood splatter, the brain matter, bring beauty to this blank canvass. my art is abstract, so cutting edge, this is an art show you don’t wanna miss and you’re on the guest list. the gallery is my room, the walls my canvass.
log on to my web cam at seven pm and watch this artist create a masterpiece. i’m gonna blow your mind when i blow out my mind, you’ll appreciate my dedication to say at least. my memory will (inaudible), i have a feeling my fans will be pleased.
the paints in my head, the shotguns my brush, my art will decorate the wall after the trigger gets touched, once the barrels in my mouth the art show begins, magnificent strokes and patterns will appear on the count of ten. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
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6. |
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My Imagination (Turning Fantasy Into Reality)
it’s safe here inside my head, i could make good all the things that i dread. nobody can see, what i see, my imagination allows me to make believe. imagination, my imagination, a place for creation, a place for destruction, i can turn fantasy and other interactions into reality with my imagination.
it’s safe here inside my head, i could say the things i wish i’d said, nobody can hear, what i hear, my imagination conquers my fears. imagination, my imagination, a place for creation, a place for destruction, i can turn fantasy and other interactions into reality with my imagination.
it’s safe here inside my head, i could get away with murdering you fuckers dead, nobody knows the things that i think, in my imagination the bodies under the floor never stink. it must be great living inside my head, i can answer that, why yes it is. i can’t be tried and sent to prison because you don’t know what’s going on inside my head. imagination, my imagination, a place for creation, a place for destruction, i can turn fantasy and other interactions into reality with my imagination.
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7. |
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When You Really Want Bad Things To Happen But Do Not Want To Be Held Responsible For Said Bad Things
wouldn’t it be killer bro, if you were surfing, catching gnarly waves at ocean beach? wouldn’t it be fantastic if you got your legs gnawed off by a shark with real big teeth? who knew that today you’d be shark food? bye-bye hairless wonder surfer dude, bye-bye surfer.
wouldn’t it be neat if your teams star date rapist wrapped his hot wheels around a pole? and wouldn’t it be something is these frat boy jock pukes got chopped up in pieces by a mystical justice troll? and the world would be so much better, if that justice troll visited domestic abusers, domestic losers. wouldn’t it be grand?
while sitting in my car at a traffic light i think about all of those people glued to their screens in disgust, i crack a smile at the thought if simultaneously that they would all spontaneously combust. that would be awesome (that would be awesome), so fucking awesome (so fucking awesome)
wouldn’t it be fucking great if the rockabillies and punk rockers understood that they’re conformist scenesters and wouldn’t it be hilarious to point out to these numbskulls that their closed mined and just as eager as those that they rebel against and they say that their so different from them, are they really?
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8. |
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Why Extraterrestrials Really Come To Earth (And No, It's Not To Start A Black Metal Band)
Awoken by something late last night, jumped up and started clapping to turn on the light. You’ll never guess what stood at the foot of the bed, a little green feller and this is what he said, truly earthling, I’m sorry to have awoken you, so let me share with you what I came here to do. I’m here for recreation, a simple vacation, not to cause any harm, I come in peace, trust me earthling.
I could’t believe the things he was telling me. I thought they conducted anal probes while we sleep. This wasn’t close to the truth, I had them pegged wrong. He was doing research for a song. He’s in an extraterrestrial black metal band and finding songwriting inspiration was his plan. I like to write songs about the things I see and the things I do, so have another drink, drink up earthling.
I tell ay, this alien dude was real cool, we stayed up drinking and talking well past two. Suddenly, I felt as if I might blackout but not before explaining what the song was about. Doing anal probes on humans he would sing and when I wake up, I won’t remember a thing. Earthling, go back to sleep, earthling, go back to sleep. Nothing to see here, come tomorrow you won’t remember a thing.
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9. |
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The Boy Who Captured Butterflies
a cocooned caterpillar turned butterfly, spread its wings and was ready to fly, in need of some nectar then spotted a flower, then descended from the sky like some kind of ninja prowler.
butterfly, so beautiful, black and orange with yellow-ey swirls, never noticed the boy with the jar and net, this is going to be a day that you’ll never forget.
magical butterfly, i think you are doomed, trapped in a jar in little eddies room, a view of a cushion board with lots of sharp pins, left wondering when will this nightmare end.
lovely butterfly, you are so fucked, it’s only a matter of time until eddies done with lunch and then you’ll be slaughtered and put on display and hung on the wall in the hallway.
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10. |
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Good Morning Little Puppy (Who Did You Kill Last Night?)
good morning little puppy, how you doing today? good morning little puppy, how you doing today? well your pacing back and forth, i bet you can’t wait to get outside to play.
you disappear in the early morning and don’t come back late at night and when i get the morning paper, i see death by animal bite. good morning little puppy, how you doing today? your pawing and scratching at the door, you want to go out and play.
i have a gut feeling, puppy, your behind these deaths. when you come home and give me kisses, i can smell it on your breath. good morning little puppy, how you doing today? i can hear you whining at the door, you need to go out and play.
good morning little puppy, how you doing today? good morning little puppy, how you doing today? you’re staring at me from across the room, i know you want to go out and play.
bones from dead bodies to me you like to bring, you bury them all over, turning the yard into a crime scene. good morning little puppy, how you doing today? your tails wagging and wagging, you have to go out and play.
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11. |
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Identity Crisis (Object of Ideology)
this homophobe was full of fear, thought gay marriage meant the end was near with a subscribed ideology to a hateful god, followers are loyal and obey like dogs.
without question, they’re insecure with their own sexuality, for sure. conditional equality isn’t humane at all, freedom not for somme but for all.
this nationalist thinks freedom isn’t fee but hasn’t a clue what it means, they do not what’s right but what they’re told, lies about god and country they’ve been sold.
family values, pathological conservative types, truly worried that uncle sam will lose its might so the support the troops and love their flag even if it means coming home in a body bag.
this liberal was an apologist for the democratic imperialist, only protested the wars under republican presidents yet ignored the very same ones with a democrat is residence.
master enabler, oblivious to class warfare, as long as its not in their backyard they don’t care, of privilege, bleeding heart, allowable activist, as long as it doesn’t effect them or their property value, who gives a shit?
this constitutionalist, north american libertarian wants to turn the clock back to 1776 again, where white male land owners are in control, democracy free, conditional liberty is their goal.
small government, do away with the federal reserve, let’s give those ayn rand capitalists what they deserve, monopolize and privatize to the highest bidder, assuring the gap between the rich and poor doesn’t get thinner.
this progressive, even many radical leftists can be my way or the highway with an iron fist, closed minded, divisive and intolerant to others who may think different.
within the ism’s there’s an us and them, let the self righteous arrogance begin, judgement, expectations and vanity are the ruins of humanity.
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12. |
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Comet Versus Earth (Goodbye Planet)
here comes a comet headed towards the earth, i hope nasa can’t stop it for what thats worth and when that comet crashes into our planet, death and destruction of humans will be granted and everything soon will die, nothing will remain of you or i. no more Facebook or i-phones, just a few chosen insects will continue to roam. no more texting or politics, just a scorched planet where humans used to exist and now the earth can finally be at peace, free of despair, masters and disease. so until the day when that comet comes, i’ll try my best not to come undone and be a good father for my partner and kids sake, for today and everyday until all is erased.
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13. |
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Every Time A Team Loses, Another Wins & That Makes Me Sad
your teams losing, yes sir-e, it’s amusing just how seriously you take ownership in some fucking team. (yeah, yeah) you refer to a sports team as in the context of my and we as if that you got stock in the company.
what are you going to do when your team loses? bet you’re going to blow more than a few fuses. unwavering nationalism is scary, for it to work, your allegiance is necessary.
your teams winning, good grief, you’re high living, your buddies. fist bumping like a bunch of excited puppies (oh no) but you get violent when the game doesn’t go your way. so now you going to make fans of the other team pay.
you’re a fanatic, yes, it’s true. obsessed and stuck in the glue. wearing jerseys so full of pride, if your team loses, you might as well die.
you got banners, your waving them wildly, jumping out of your car, why are you screaming go niners at me?
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14. |
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Deconstruction (Metaphysics of Presence)
i’m numb, i don’t feel, am i capable of emotion? i’m dead inside, depressed, they have a solution. medications to make me number than i already am, prescriptions to transform me into zombie man.
my days are a blur, i blackout and disassociate. i’m exhausted, fatigued, i need to self terminate. a lack of motivation, no pleasure in things i used to enjoy, i’m damaged and broken, a non-returnable toy.
i’d end it all but i don’t own a gun, other methods seem complicated to get done. i got the intention, i just lack the drive to muster up the energy to take my own life.
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15. |
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Ghosts Of Iraq (Objective Condition, Subjective Dimension)
demons, demons in my head, the monster in me has been fed. depression is apart of my DNA, medications can’t take the ghosts away. therapy, therapy is lost on me, something evil has ahold of me.
when i close my eyes i still see visions of the people i killed. bullet holes to the face and chest, this guilt won’t let my memories rest. why, oh why can’t i forget, instead i’m haunted by my deployment.
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16. |
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The Sport Fanatic Domestic Abuser Nationalist Blues
i can hear you from down the street cheering on your favorite team, hooping and hollering, banging on your chest, if i didn’t know better i’d assume a bunch of apes have gotten loose from the zoo but oh no no no that’s a human scream and this is not a dream. inaudible groans coming in with obnoxious whoas, a fanatic cacophony. i’m sort of freaked out, i can hear their shouts from the east and west of my house. run, run their frantically yelling like you could be heard via the tv. your investments concerning, let alone unnerving when you refer to the team as in we. i hope they fucking lose whoever they are but the tragic reality is, for every team that loses, another wins and somewhere some asshole is celebrating. here come the fist bumps, chest bumps and the high-five. oh, how i wish i could be a fly on the wall when your team loses. i’m not going to lie, i find some joy in overhearing the whines and the gripes that come the following day, the tantrums really brighten up my day. ha, ha, ha, ha their loss really bummed them out. it mentally and physically fucked you up and this to me is alarming. fanatics are no different than nationalists, they follow without question, their loyalty is unwatered no matter the circumstance, it’s an us, we, mine mind fuck. go team, go, win at any cost, destroy their opponent, their flag, i mean mascot is different than ours. so and so signed with another team, well fuck him, i hope he dies anyway. it’s true that i loved him when he played for us but that was then and this is now. no, no, awwwww, what happened by the sound of things, a play didn’t go well, i just hope you don’t take it out on your spouse or on your kids. for some reason competition in sports can bring out the inner barbarian, a normally nice feller turned domestic abuser because he’s a fucking sore loser. keep your hands to yourself, it’s only a fucking game. are you really going to let it fuck up your day and ruin the lives of those around you? your obsessions pathological, the dedication criminal, only if you put that time and energy into something that really matters and not in some fantasy league. oh, but it does matter, just listen to yourself fuck face, what will you do when your team leaves town will you throw yourself off a bridge to drown?
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Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more
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