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I Hate Myself & I Want To Die, Right Now

from Self Mutilation Camp: Songs To Sing Around The Campfire by Jesus & The Robot

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lyrics

I Hate Myself & I Want To Die, Right Now

i took a razor and found my wrist, i danced it lightly up my vein in jest. and i imagined what it would be like to go beyond hesitation marks, to find the courage to end this. i hate myself and i want to die, right now. it sucks when it feels that you’ve run out of things to try out. living for me is more like method acting, Diazepam helps me forget what is happening. well, fuck my family depends on me so i got to keep these demons at bay. parenting keeps you busy, distractions come easy but this urge will surface one day. there’s a monster living within and it wont allow me to find peace. i feel fucking nothing when i should feel something. this depression is a disease, a toxic parasite that wont let me be. i’m incapable of bonding with others, like fog, sadness rolls in and it smoothers, rendering me numb and dormant, emotionally unavailable. hydrocodone can’t save me from this hell and this proximal separation has me at odds and it’s sad when Klonopin can’t bring me down, i need help down and i fear that nobody will be around to talk me down from this.

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from Self Mutilation Camp: Songs To Sing Around The Campfire, released February 1, 2015

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Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more

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