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I was unsuccessful trying to transcribe the lyrics to this song. Sorry. I couldn't understand myself enough.
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(Hey Child) The Boogieman Is Real
(is the boogeyman real?) yes, little child, the boogieman is real, the boogie man is real, yes this is true. it sleeps under your bed and hides in dark closets and if you go to sleep, it will surly get you.
(is the boogeyman real?) you could say prayers and use a night-light but these things are useless, no they won’t do. even your parents can’t stop the inevitable, the night that the boogieman decides to come and get you.
(is the boogeyman real?) you can scream and kick and try to fight it but the boogieman is quick and too powerful, so it’s your fate to be taken away to a dark place, a place so scary and very awful.
(is the boogeyman real?) you will be tortured, yes you will, little child, no, you’ll never see your mommy and daddy again. fore the boogieman is your new, your new family, up until the time when your life comes to an end.
(is the boogeyman real?) it could be a matter of minutes or several years, how long you will live only the boogieman could say, you used to play hop scotch and tag with your friends now you anxiously await your dying day.
(is the boogeyman real?) so little child before you get tucked in at night, before the lights go out and drift away into slumber, don’t bother to check under your bed or in your closet, it’ll do no good because the boogieman has your number.
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Stockholm Syndrome Children (Spankers Of Empathy)
i’m an abusive asshole, i spank my kids for discipline so they obey. my parents spanked me and look i turned out fine, by the use of fear they do as i say.
i enjoy teaching my kids that through violence and power, you gain control at the cost of your soul. the generation to generation chain of trauma will be handed down, an us and them autocracy is the goal.
of course my kids do as i say, i’m bigger and stronger and i hold all the cards, i’m a symbol of guidance, love and trust. this Stockholm syndrome thing ain’t so fucking hard.
whether it’s a closed fist or an open hand, it doesn’t matter how hard or soft, the location of your disciplinary tap is irrelevant, you’re hitting a kid to prove who’s fucking boss.
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The Punitive Machine Gun Of Conditional Love
i don’t know how to deal with this situation so i’ll resolve you to a time-out, off to the corner, go ahead scream and shout. sure, you are acting out and you probably need me the most, instead of reconnecting, solitary confinement is the path that i chose.
if my new to the world adolescent children don’t meet my expectations, i’ll just banish them to the time-out station. i could use it as a constant threat that looms over their heads, arbitrary and punitive punishments help keep my ego fed.
time-outs are almost as useful as the revoking of privileges and fun, i imagine time-outs as my parenting gun. do as i say or i will do this to you. if you don’t do that, i will take this away from you.
ha, ha, ha, ha being in control makes me feel respected even at the cost of our relationship being disconnected. i will teach you that love is conditional and that punishments are a valuable principal.
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Parental Love with Strings Attached
i enjoy watching parents force their kids to share their stuff but what if those same rules applied as well to us? what if you were on your smartypants phone and i wanted to use it and you weren’t quite done doing what you were doing but a third party made you do it?
give me your shit, i wanna play with it now, even if it’s not mine and you’re not ready, you’ll be forced to share somehow.
i also enjoy watching parents force their kids to apologize, i’d much rather my kid to be genuinely sorry and learn to emphasize. we undermine their internal drive for conflict resolution, when we should have trust in them to find a proper solution.
say you’re sorry, it’s more for me than you. asking children to apologize prematurely teaches them avoiding conflict is cool.
i really enjoy watching parents talk about their children as if their not there, airing their dirty laundry for everyone including them to hear. it’s funny when they talk to children as if they’re not people, just some novelty to be seen and not heard, obedient like a poodle.
hey, mom and dad, i’m right here in the same room. i can understand everything your saying and i find it fucking rude.
i truly enjoy watching parents use praise and rewards to murder intrinsic spirit and get them to do chores. good jobs and gold stars are value judgements don’t you see? how about engaging with them in dialogue about what they are doing?
good job johnny! right now you’re a-okay with us, don’t become hungry for approval so it stops you from doing what you love.
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How To Break A Childs Spirit In A Self Soothing Manner
locking children in rooms is not very cool, it’s sort of cruel. self soothing cry it outs, a method to be used by tools. why would you betray your kids trust when they need you most? it’s kind of gross. what parents will do for convenience, they’re qualifying arguments are a hoax.
all you will achieve is temporary compliance, an anti-alliance. distress will cause them to shut down, a broken ferber science. idiot parental units will be so please with themselves, glorifying how well it works, an acceptable way to hurt.
mommies and daddies undermine the message it sends, the damage done. once you break the child's spirit, parenting becomes fun and go ahead and keep telling yourself that picking them up when crying is a bad thing because children are evil, vile, manipulating beings.
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Something happens between Robot and Satan but Jesus walks up in the middle of it and attempts to force an apology from Robot who on the other hand is not having any of it.
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8. |
I Hate Your Kid
02:13
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I Hate Your Kid
I was at the playground with my kids, having a good time. Sitting on the bench, eating snacks in the sunshine.
Pass that climbing structure, I mumbled to myself ahhhh fuck her.
From the distance it was hard to tell until she got closer.
There's her doormat mother walking behind her in tow.
Boy what I'd give to tell that beat where to go
And can you guess whose beady evil little eyes met mine from the slide?
Well none other than those of that fucking kid.
I'd like to punch her in the eye but that wouldn't be right.
She's only five years old, much too young to fight.
Plus she's only a girl and when I dream tonight about what I wish I did, I guess it's no secret by now. I guess it's no secret by now. I guess it's no secret by now, I hate. I hate your kid, your kid.
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9. |
Colicky Motherfucker
02:13
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Colicky Motherfucker
Colicky, why don’t you slumber? Oh, colicky, you’re a screaming wonder. Up all hours is that colicky motherfucker.
As my eyes begin to close, came a scream I could feel in my toes and right in my ear, nonetheless. Why won’t you let me rest? Jumped out of bed in sheer panic, where’s the fire? Who died? God dammit.
Colicky, why don’t you slumber? Oh, colicky, a screaming wonder. Been up all night with that colicky motherfucker.
Are you pissed off or in pain? A sadist whose criminally insane? Do you find pleasure in what you do? The joy of watching me come unglued. Someones not making it too sunrise, now I’m matching your screams and cries.
Colicky, why won’t you slumber? Oh, colicky, the screaming wonder. If your up all night, thank that colicky motherfucker.
Colicky, why don’t you slumber? Oh colicky, a true screaming wonder. Up twelve hours straight, that colicky motherfucker.
Web MD says it’s not a phantasm, your stomachs in pain when it spasms. Fuck Gerd and fuck you too, zanax or shock treatment for you. Doctor Sears says you can’t shake babies, even if they got the baby rabies.
Colicky, why don’t you slumber? Oh, colicky, you’re a screaming wonder. Up all hours is that colicky motherfucker.
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10. |
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Piece Of Shit Daddy (Pick On Someone Your Own Size)
look at my daddy-o, he’s so powerful, tonight he’s going to die. little jesus was just six years old and he knew where the knives were kept. his dad was an abusive piece of shit, he’d get even stevens tonight when he slept. you must be out of your fucking mind if you think you turned out fine, this somehow justifies your abuse and for your parents you make an excuse, you better watch your ass bub because jesus has had enough and tonight he’s going to play in your blood. jesus had a butcher knife under the covers when his daddy came in to hug him goodnight, little jesus shoved the knife into his chest and whispered in his ear, nighty night and his daddy bled to death and jesus slept.
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What Cha' Drawing? (An Ode To The Psychopathic Child)
hello, this song here is about psychotic children….
hey little buddy, what cha doodling? are you making a picture for me? did you want a cookie? can i take a looky? so i can see what you been drawing. oh, look at those colors and all that red, is that you holding my severed head? and look at that smile on your face, the way your eyes light up the place. what’s your damage? are you psychotic? or is this behavior normal?
it sort of freaks me out when you stare off into space with that blank emotionless face. clearly something has gone wrong inside of that head, in all of these drawings why are mom and i dead? hey there scooter, put down the six shooter, tell me, are all of those bullets just for me?
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Weekend Warrior (Deadbeat Daddy)
Single mothers and absent fathers. Single fathers and absent mothers. Hey, deadbeat daddy there’s a reason why, we get boxed in those stereotypes. A weekend warrior on the playground, time to change a diaper, you can’t be found.
No, no you fucking twit, it’s not my day to babysit. You’ll be scrutinized by some, I’m more than being the fun one. Fuck that wait till your father gets home shit. I prefer to nurture than discipline.
If you see dad out with his kid, do you praise him for how great he is? Of course, you’re wrong, if you don’t do the same for mom but they’re expected to do it everyday. When dad does you wanna throw him a parade.
What the fuck is wrong with us? Your amazed when I do parent stuff, as if part-time parenting is enough. Patriarchy should be flushed. It’s hard work to raise children, co-parenting should be a given.
Expect a bumbling, stumbling dolt and get a self-served prophecy as a result. Go, go fuck yourself, take your gender roles and go to hell. I’m just doing my share but you wanna thank me for simply being here.
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Sunday School Crucifixion
oh, buy me some wood, hammer and some nails, we could use my allowance money. i want to crucify people at sunday school, driving nails into their hands and feet will be funny.
hang them on the cross but not before a severe beating, then make them carry their cross across the playground, soon their lord they’ll be meeting.
soon the day will come when darkness takes over and squashes the light away, spilling the blood of the non-believers who refuse to accept satan is here to stay.
hail, hail the great satan, the prince of darkness is near, rising from the flames like a demon king, turning your dreams into nightmares.
chaos will ensue and the world will fall apart and people will kill their sisters and brothers, turning on one another, watching their neighbors die when not hiding their heads under the covers.
run, run and go hide, the world is such a scary place, i’ll stay inside my house and i’ll never go out and carve six sixes into my face.
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14. |
I Am Demon Child
02:25
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I Am Demon Child
drawing pentagrams in the sand, spelling satan’s name with building blocks. sacrificing small animals to the devil, i am demon child.
bonfires burning kitty cats, demonic ritual, a spirit dance. making pictures with my blood, i am demon child.
children of god at the playground, i put spells on them, may they burn in hell. no, you cannot play with my sand toys, i am demon child.
if my parents don’t worship the dark lord, i’ll have no choice but to offer them. sneak into their room late at night and slit their sleeping throats.
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15. |
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A Song For Children Who Worship Satan
the dark lord told me something all little children should know, it’s to give yourself to the devil and worship lucifer like so. sacrifice small creatures and hang pentagrams in your room, turn crucifixes upside down because the coming of the beast is soon.
so all hail satan, the gates of heaven we’ll break in and storm the kingdom, a slaughter in the making. so all hail to the dark lord, we’ll nail your savior to a board and spill the blood of angels with the devils mighty sword.
so little child wear 666 with pride, throw up those devil horns in celebration that christ died. i know you’ll be happy knowing he won’t return, you sheep can keep praying but soon you too will burn.
so all hail satan, the gates of heaven we’ll break in and storm the kingdom, a slaughter in the making. so all hail to the dark lord, we’ll nail your savior to a board and spill the blood of angels with the devils mighty sword.
i’m sorry little deliver have your prayers gone heard? are you starting to realize to believe in a god is absurd? so come on and join hells army, what do you have to lose? so take a knife and open up your heart and let those demons loose.
so all hail satan, the gates of heaven we’ll break in and storm the kingdom, a slaughter in the making. so all hail to the dark lord, we’ll nail your savior to a board and spill the blood of angels with the devils mighty sword.
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In this skit, Jesus gets hurt but god, his father reacts insensitively
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17. |
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Medicated Zombie Children
If your child is too active and runs around, you wanna put them on some meds to help calm them down because lethargic children are far more easier to be found then the kind who can’t sit still and always need to move around. There was this child who oh so badly wanted to play so that he couldn’t sit still in the classroom for eight hours a day. The teacher notified the principal who spoke with a medical professional so now for breakfast little Tammy pops a pill, making her more rational. Thanks to western medicine, elementary schools on this side of the world are packed full of little zombie boys and little zombie girls. Now in the classroom the medicated children just sit and stare. This is what happens when doctors write prescriptions for normal behavior and somewhere there’s a pharmaceutical CEO smiling ear to ear because they’re bringing in record profits that grow bigger every year. While droves of children lumber around the halls in a daze, isn’t it great that the normalizing of our children is the latest craze.
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Indulgent Brat Of Entitlement
an indulgent brat of entitlement is a self serving product of their environment. watch what happens when something doesn’t go their way, it just ruins their fucking day.
mommy and daddy are confusing raising a free spirited child with indulgence. it’s a tough world, you must look out for yourself is a sad way for the world to make sense.
new age being authentic lifestyles allow being selfish to be okay. if you need to justify your arrogance just get a guru and practice the LOA.
if a giant boat full of people was sinking and you found the lone lifeboat, you would quietly board only your family and use the extra seats to put your feet up.
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Helicopter Parents On Patrol
oh when those parents come to the playground. oh, when those parents descend upon the playground they will be hovering and dictating play, ruining their child’s fucking day. oh, those parents will fly in, they will come swooping to control and monitor everything not allowing children to solve their problems because helicopter mom and dad will save the day.
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20. |
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(Hey Stupid) Poop Goes In The Potty
it looks like somebody is a big kid now, there wearing big kid underwear and this comes with much responsibility, poop goes in the potty. (not on the floor, not your pants)
at time it can be hard to remember when you have to go, you’re playing and doing other fun things but remember, poop goes in the potty. (not the bed, not your big kid underwear)
hey, little child it appears to me that you think your above the potty, you’re behaving like a savage animal, poop goes in the potty. (not on your baby sister, not on the dog)
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21. |
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A skit in a sense or maybe a song, I don't rightly know but here we have a dad with PTSD from the war trying to play the card game Uno with his son but it appears the PTSD has gotten in the way.
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Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more
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