1. |
National Anthem
06:17
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Jose can you see? Blah blah blah blah blah. You can take your fucking flag and shove it right up your ass. Did you know that those flags, total fire hazards. I dob’t know about you but when I see the red, white and blue. All I can see is red. The sight keeps my hatred fed. You ask, the flags good for what? I say, starting fires and wiping butts. So fuck you and your flag and your fucking anthem because it doesn’t mean shit unless all are free.
There’s a baby crying, can you hear it whining? Maybe it needs a butt change or perhaps a nappie. They’ve thrown a tantrum, screaming and pouting. All over Kaepernick and those who takes a knee or sits but guess who’s the real patriot? No, not the fuck nut nationalist. It’s those brave enough to stand against injustice. So you say love it or leave it, that freedom isn’t free. Please go take your flag and hang yourself from a tree.
Our presidents a piece of shit, a sociopathic narcissist. A parasitic capitalist, nationalist white supremist. Donald Trump, oh Donald Trump. I sure do hope you die. Stabbed multiple times so violently, watch the life drain from his eyes.
Your sons and daughters so horrible, let’s visit your daddies grave. Have a dance party on top of it, as for urinals it’ll be my fave. Donald Trump, oh Donald Trump. You’re a habitual liar. Let’s wrap you in the flag and set that shit on fire.
While hanging and burning, let’s gather the children around. We’ll blindfold them, give them a baseball bat, then twirl them round and round. Are you ready? Lil Lucy? Go ahead give it a big whack. Soon he’ll bust open and on the ground his innards will go splat.
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2. |
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Hey buddy, how ya doin’? Gosh, it’s been a long, long time. It’s been what? Ten years? How’s the wife? The kids? Oh, they’re just doing fine. Seriously pal, I got to get going, I really do have to run. Too bad we can’t catch up. Yeah sure, hell yes, a rain check sounds fun.
I have to return some videotapes. I gotta return some videotapes. I have to return some videotapes, now.
Please, oh please, oh please god, please don’t let them notice me. I just want to get some face cream, clearisil and a few groceries. Great! Here you come with that shit eating grin and there’s nothing I can do. Golly gee, look at the time, I gotta run. Yes, I’ll have my people call you.
I gotta return some videotapes. I have to return some videotapes. I gotta return some videotapes, now.
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3. |
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Is that your spirit animal I see splattered on the road? What was it doing on the road anyway? Where was it trying to go? Was it a tragic accident? Or was it done on purpose? And what do you do now? And who are you now? And how will you get through this? This? This?
Tell me about your spirit animal. Was it magical?
I guess your spirit animal was a symbol of who you are. You adopted it at that exclusionary retreat seminar. Becoming better men out in the woods, the fraternal hazing really just felt so good. They broke you down, eventually you all break down and that’s where your spirit animal was found, found, found.
Tell me about your spirit animal. Was it beautiful?
But today it lies in a pool of blood, in the middle of the street. And by that stain on the road, it must’ve been dragged at least twenty feet. And you can’t seem to understand why your symbolic pet had to die. I can’t tell what it is, what kind of creature it was. I think it’s face is still stuck on the bus, bus, bus.
Tell me about your spirit animal before becoming roadkill.
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4. |
Little Fucker
03:53
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Little fucker, she’ll be keeping you on your feet. It appears she has little regard for safety. Fuckin’ lil fucker there she goes running off into the street. You’ll be in tears, the kid must be crazy. Your kid walks up to you, smiling while asking you, Why didn’t Barbie never get pregnant? Never get pregnant? You say that you don’t know. Is this some kind of joke? Okay, okay. Why did Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box! Get it? Ken always came in another box! Another box!
She’s a little fucker, she got banned from the library. Her father and mother are concerned for their safety. Fuckin’ lil fucker, she’s gutting her favorite Teddy. Her older brother finds hereto be scary. You’re on the laptop researching child therapists. The kid needs help, some serious help.
What’s that she’s got on her face? She’s wearing Teddy’s face like Edward Gein. You’re trying not to scream. So you just stare at her, confused, so confused. She then asks you, If you feel like ice cream? And before you could answer, she interrupts you and says that’s funny because you don’t look like ice cream. And now you’re six year olds laughing hysterically. All the while, posting directly right at you. You’re disturbed. Why is she pointing at you? She was laughing, so hard she was losing breath. Her eyes full of tears, it seemed she had one more left. In between gasps, Why did the Russian Prez use the bathroom? I glared with content as she shrilled he was pootin’.
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5. |
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Bastards blocking off the entrance, mulling around shouting, holding graphic signs. They say I’m going to hell and I’m gonna fry. I’m just trying to get into the building. Someones shoving pictures of dead babies in my face. Just let me get buzzed into this place. Inside is where I am going. Inside I feel the tension growing.
Going to planned parenthood (whoa)
To get contraceptives and a pap smear.
The door, I’m getting a little closer. This is where I go for health care. So kindly step aside, get out of my hair. Pro Life? You got to be kidding. Screams about how abortion is murder. Education on prevention, inside they can serve ya. Abortion. Sure they’ll help you here. Abortions, aren’t the only thing they do in there.
Going to planned parenthood (whoa)
To learn about safe sex and get vaccines.
At the door, I’m greeted by an escort. Protestors are spitting venomous curses. In between hateful chants and bible verses. At the door, I’m hurried in quickly. Christ is that a Flac vest you’re wearing? Once inside I hear a thunder and crack. A brick to the window, another blam. I’m only here for a breast exam.
Going to planned parenthood (whoa)
For a routine check up and cancer exam.
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6. |
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Do you feel as if the manosphere has been fucking you against your will? To only pull out and cum on your face (eww, eww, eww). This is the last time, you swear to your god. You’re about to implode from all the rage that has been building up for years inside. You swear that the world has not been fair for the heterosexual white male. So you go and stroke yourself off to Pepe The Frog.
You need a safe place to go. Good thing there’s Reddit forums. A hot spot for nice gents like you to fulfill their martyrdom. Oh where are you Milo? Yabadadawhatever the fuck him. We need our alt-right gods to lead us from libtards or our white power could come undone.
The world is such an unfriendly place. When you’re an Incel Beta Male. What better time to go on twitter now and troll some females. Some femenazi or Clementine Ford.
I don’t understand why no girls will ever talk to me. Outside of being a racist misogynist, I’m a great catch. A real nice guy. Being involuntary celibate it’s not fair, it’s not my choice and it seems that all the good girls would rather fuck all the bad boys. I’ll show all you sluts and cucks who the real manly man is. When I go and buy an assault rifle and large quantities of roofies. Take a look at me now.
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7. |
Who Killed Corey Haim?
03:05
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Who killed Corey Haim? Who knows? Who cares? Just be thankful that he’s dead and out of here. Bye bye, time to die. Fuck you bad guy. Somewhere in some prison, Sadie is masterbating herself to a photograph of Charles Manson on her shelf and when she climaxes in that lonely cell. She screams thank you Satan, Corey Haims in hell.
Who killed 2Pac? That’s easy, Puffy did. That hunk of burning dog shit paid some crip kids to do it. Now 2Pac’s gone and Puffy is still here, the worlds so unfair. Someone summon Charlie! Somewhere in some prison, Chuck is talking to himself. Muttering curses while violently masterbating himself and when he blows that evil load in his cell-el-el-el. He’ll whisper for Satan to bring Puff Daddy to hell.
Satan will be like, go bring P Diddy to me!
Sexy Sadie and Charlie are dead now. So tell me, who the fuck is gonna killPuffy, Puffy, Puffy, Puffy?
Somewhere in some remote location Roman’s talking to a Ouija board. While vigorously masterbating to a poster of Sharon tacked on the door and after Polanski shoots his cinematic load on the placard. The pointer will spell out, see you in hell.
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8. |
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Lying on the ground bleeding badly, a result of a knife to the chest. Writhing around in pain madly, muttering stuff under his breath. Do you? Blame me? For dressing the way you do? Do you? You are asking for it, prancing around the way you do.
You can’t expect a man to control the urge to take what he wants. According to the bro patrol, you deserve it for being a slut. You whore, you bitch. You think it’s okay to cock tease me? That’s when she said, I’m enjoying watching you bleed.
She took the knife she had brung, the one covered in blood and slammed it deep into his lung. The fun had only begun. She spit, then said, don’t bother praying to Jesus Christ. She took, not only back the night but his life.
If you identify as the alpha male or live life as a beta male incel or are terrified of the feminist and equal rights get you pissed. Beware, Be aware. All you old fashioned and alt-right types. Sexual predators, we no longer live in colonial times.
So the conclusion of this story, welp turned out to be hella gorey. Entitled men who take what they want, deserve and earned a knife to the gut. Gutted, intestines have spilled out on the floor, there’s more. Next weekend, the same fate for those who feel they deserve to score.
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9. |
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Hey girl, what’s your name? Can you feel my eyes watching you? Hey, are you mad? Tell me what made you sad boo? Take it from me, you’re very pretty. I mean, oh good god camache. So hot and sexy. You’d be so much prettier if you smile. Smile. Won’t you smile for me baby?
Hey girl, I don’t understand. What is it that you mean when you say, get the fuck out of my face? It was only a compliment. Why are girls so mean? Are you a lesbian? You must be because I’m giving you attention and you’re rude to me. You’d be so much hotter if you smile. Smile for me.
Oh girl, why won’t you smile? You’d be so sexy to me. Come on girl, smile. Smile. Give me a smile. Just smile. Move those lips up and fucking smile. Smile for me. It takes less muscles to smile. Come on smile. I’m a man and you’re a women. Come on Smile at me. What the fuck is your problem? I don’t understand why you can’t just smile at me.
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10. |
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God damn Uncle Sam, boy did you make them muslims mad. What did you expect? A party after bombing up their land? You can’t shell them with depleted uranium, killing off entire blood lines and profit off natural resources and expect everything to be fine. Everything to be fine.
Imagine growing up under occupation in the guise of freedom. Your home is in ruins. You’re neighborhoods a prison. All the males in your family got gunned down in a one sided fire fight. How do you reckon their kids are gonna turn out like? What will those kids be like?
If another country invaded us and used up all our goods. Killing off your friends and family. Would you fight back? I expect you would. Even if it meant to stand up to tyranny, to refuse and to resist. You’d be dubbed an insurgent branch, branded a terrorist. They’d call you a terrorist.
Uncle Sam gave an allowance to the Mujahideen in Afghanistan. He backed Hussain when he went to war with Iran. Allies one day, a threat to our freedom the next. Thank goodness for 9/11, war profiteers will never forget. We will never forget.
Now for quite sometime Uncle Sam has been fucking the Middle East with no intention to pull out, he impregnated a beast. That gave birth to a demon, militantly fundamentalist. Congratulations Sam, you’re a father to a shitload of terrorists. A proud papa to terrorists.
Sam stopped paying child support to the mujahideen. The gifted weapons and cash would remain on the scene. Now you got the Taliban in country and al-queda cells everywhere. The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant love child is here. Your Daesh love child is here.
Now what we have here is the product of fear and hate. Uncle Sam fathered a monster, operation cyclone opened the gate. You can name a hurricane Muhammad and if it fucks up enough shit. You can bet the Islamic State would gladly take credit for it. They’d probably claim it.
The oranged haired man with the expensive spray tan believes that a victory should go to Uncle Sam. First off all, you’re a stupid motherfucker to think this fight could be won. There are no victors, just losers you fucking dum-dum. You fucking dum-dum.
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11. |
The Presidential Piñata
03:19
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I had a dream and it was great. Just a few minutes of your time it’ll take. I’ll get right to it and set the scene, a beauteous day, the air was clean. The sun was accompanied by a gentle breeze. The smell of lilacs and royal empress trees. Laughing shrills filled the sky, allow me to tell you why.
Loads of children gathered around a tree. It’s a fiesta, it’s a party. That their pinata looks like a body. A guy in a suit with a big red tie. Orange hair and beady eyes. Dancing wild in the sky. Kicking at the air because lil Susie kicked out the chair.
Blindfolded children spin around with glee. A bat in hand, ready to swing. Thud and crack, pass the bat to Gene. Taking turns that’s good sharing. Here comes Lucy on her second swing. Then a sound from the bat. A squishy squish, a splatter splat. A squishy squish, a splatter splat.
Cheers and claps everywhere. High Fives and chest bumps spread all around. Not a face without a smile. Smiles that go on for miles. Food and drinks for everyone. Hey what a day! Hey what fun! A super duper fantastic time, the day the president died.
Here I am in the waking world. No more laughing boys and girls. I’m hella sad because it was just a dream. So I pray and pray for the real thing. Please god are you there? We need your help, can you hear? Fuck, you don’t exist, I feel weak. I guess that I’ll just have to go back to sleep.
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12. |
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Lying on the ground bleeding badly, a result of a knife to the chest. Writhing around in pain madly, muttering stuff under his breath. Do you? Blame me? For dressing the way you do? Do you? You are asking for it, prancing around the way you do.
You can’t expect a man to control the urge to take what he wants. According to the bro patrol, you deserve it for being a slut. You whore, you bitch. You think it’s okay to cock tease me? That’s when she said, I’m enjoying watching you bleed.
She took the knife she had brung, the one covered in blood and slammed it deep into his lung. The fun had only begun. She spit, then said, don’t bother praying to Jesus Christ. She took, not only back the night but his life.
If you identify as the alpha male or live life as a beta male incel or are terrified of the feminist and equal rights get you pissed. Beware, Be aware. All you old fashioned and alt-right types. Sexual predators, we no longer live in colonial times.
So the conclusion of this story, welp turned out to be hella gorey. Entitled men who take what they want, deserve and earned a knife to the gut. Gutted, intestines have spilled out on the floor, there’s more. Next weekend, the same fate for those who feel they deserve to score.
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Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more
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