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Black Friday (God Damn Them All)
let’s go shop, god damn them all. off we go to the mall. department stores we will flood. trampling all in the name of love. buy, buy, buy all that you can. charge, charge, charge it’s American. when will all this come to an end? capitalism is not our friend. wait in line for the doors to open then will come the consumer explosion.
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2. |
Spreading Christmas Fear
02:03
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Spreading Christmas Fear
we’re going to use fear, we’re going to use power, we’re going to domineer because we’re the superpower. mom and dad are creating christmas cheer. so you better believe what we say, do as your told, if you don’t obey we’ll ruin your holiday and blame everything on santa clause and we’ll use him as a reason to get you to comply, we’ll make him vengeful and vindictive until you figure out it’s a lie then you’ll feel betrayed, bitter and resentful, probably become distant and slightly hateful. all because you thought santa clause was coming to town.
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3. |
Seasonal Kindness
01:52
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Seasonal Kindness
the holiday season bums me out, the stress is too much. this seasonal kindness really makes my fucking head pound. at homeless shelters the volunteers only show up on holidays but for the rest of the year you’ll find them running in cafes. suicide, oh suicide, suicide, oh suicide what better time than christmas to curl up and die?
the takers take in vulgarity, the givers give to hateful charities those bell ringers have mastered the ultimate scam. they put up a front to give a damn but discriminate and they say it’s apart of their gods plan. suicide, suicide, suicide, oh suicide what better time than christmas to curl up and die?
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4. |
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Santa Claus Is A Horrible Person
hello children, christmas is just around the corner. you must be very excited, you probably know a lot about santa clause but here’s a song to tell you some more. listen.
santa runs a sweat shop, horrifically working conditions, he also makes a killing on elf trafficking. keeping them strung out, rudolph runs the sex ring. all that power has gone to his head, exploited workers crank out toy after toy and why is it that he gets to make the call on who’s good and who is bad?
santa is a fascist, his image is white and wholesome but really he’s just a greedy capitalist fucking pig. he is above the law, special defense contracts, private security firms to protect him, he operates outside of legal jurisdiction, north pole agents spy on you so you better be nice.
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5. |
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Satan Is Coming To A Town Near You
there will come a day when the children will want to know if santa clause is real or is it just a hoax? people will surely talk and the truth will be exposed, after the initial disappoint, years of therapy will come and go. oh santa clause, ole’ saint nick is he real or fake? was he something created to make children behave? santa clause, ole’ saint nick are you real or fake? do you exist and is there truth to what they say?
satan lost a bet and this filled god with joy, now satan will have to deliver toys to the good girls and boys. they had to change his name and image with propaganda now his debt is paid off and his pissed off about the slander. oh exit santa, enter satan goodbye peace on earth and if you thought things sucked now, they’re about to get much worse. they’ll be nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, seriously your fucked, not even uncle sam muscle will be enough.
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6. |
Christmas In Iraq
02:43
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Christmas In Iraq
calling home from Baghdad, can’t wait to talk to mom and dad. christmas time here isn’t festive, it’s rather depressing and dangerous. mortars falling from the sky, where they land, people will die.
if a soldier gets killed, they’ll be a communication blackout. no internet cafe or telephones, not until the notification of the dead reaches home so they will know but i’m next in line waiting to call you, a surprise ringy-dingy from you know who.
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7. |
Fucking Carolers (Skit)
02:19
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It's Christmas time and Jesus and his BFF Robot don't appreciate, well, Jesus doesn't appreciate carolers coming to their door while trying to watch Mad Men.
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8. |
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A Christmas Eve Stand-Off
fuck you asshole, i hope you die nothing short of a violent death, a stabbing in the kitchen then i can listen to santa as he takes his last breathe. if you think you can come down my chimney and leave alive you’re crazy because i’ll be waiting in the dark for you sagely, with absolutely no regard for anyones safety.
i left cookies and milk out on the table with hopes that you’ll come and take the bait. sneaking around at night will get you strangled with christmas lights and a slit throat to seal your fate. it’s christmas eve and i’m gearing up for the stand off between me and santa clause. only one of us are leaving alive and i didn’t plan to die.
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9. |
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It's Wartime In Suburbia (Must Be Christmas)
keeping up with the joneses, i’m gonna one up them. FIRST ON THE BLOCK TO PUT UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. bigger tree, better decorations with more trim. LAWN MANICURED, WELL STOCKED GARAGE, DYNAMITE. now the whole neighborhood will know who’s superior. THEY’LL GO, THOSE SMITHS ARE SO PERFECT THEY’LL ENVY US. getting all the new gadgets first makes me most awesomer. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS HAVING ENOUGH STUFF. fuck the smiths this time we’ll show them whose best. maxing out the cards, fuck the cost. hi bob when i see you, i’ll puff out my chest. my twenty foot light up santa on the roof is boss. how’s the wife and those adorable children? she’s fucking vapid and those kids are brats. this weekend barbecue at my house a manly competition, i’m going to outdo you motherfucker this year you don’t have a chance.
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10. |
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Christmas In Petaluma (What Does It All Mean?)
you know celexa and citalopram and effexor and venlafaxine. mirtazapine and lamotrigine and risperidone and lorazepam but do you recall the so far most use full of them all?
bupropion and duloxetine help me from going ape shit on people i don’t know and this helps me look normalish outside of the occasional vertigo. changing my environment has a done a great service to me, petaluma has been great for ptsd but the odds are very good indeed that the depression will come back to me.
i can only hope to tame this beast so i can find some peace, children and a supporting wife and a routine has improved my life. outside of the brain injury, i only have a few problems, irrelevant and sort of trivial, i really see no rush to solve them. i overwhelm easy and my concentrations horrible, even with the blackouts things aren’t so terrible.
i have a premonition that the demons aren’t threw with me, will i fight or simply end my life? meanwhile i hope i don’t get dementia or some cancerous tumor.
if there really is a god, it’ll prove he has a great sense of humor. will i live or will i die? what will be my fate? will i reach my full potential before it’s all too late? here i go again, what does it all mean? why are we even here? doesn’t the whole thing seem obscene?
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11. |
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This skit is about Robot coming by to see Jesus to wish him a happy birthday but Jesus corrects him and takes Robot on a trip to memory lane where Jesus eventually goes off the rails.
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12. |
Christmas Doom & Gloom
01:12
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Christmas Doom & Gloom
shop, shop, shop then shop some more. who needs money when you got credit cards? and when you’re drowning in debt, the bill collectors will come you bet. calling you day and night, harassing you with all their might but your consumer skills are not only impressive, they’re rather dynamite.
christmas doom doom, it’s all doom and gloom. once the dust settles prepare for the aftermath. was it worth all the stress? turning christmas into a mess, making it all about the gifts, spending december angry and pissed. so you might as well pick up a twelve pack of razors and slit your wrist.
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13. |
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Natey The Veteran (A Real Christmas Hero)
natey the veteran had a bad case of the ptsd’s. he came back from a tour overseas with a traumatic brain injuries. natey the veteran came back full of guilt and shame. unable to make sense of what he saw, he wants to take a razor to his veins.
he must’ve seen some horrible things while serving in iraq now he’s trying to piece the together the parts that he lost while in combat.
natey the veteran is a mess still to this day. his attempts to appear normal have failed miserably leaving him in disarray. duloxetine and bupropion are the medications prescribed to natey, there’re supposed to treat the depression and help with the ptsd.
natey the veteran has lost all the old friends he had, they disappeared one by one and this made him feel sad. there’s something horribly wrong he can feel it way down in his bones, will it be cancer or dementia or just a bullet to the dome. natey the veteran’s impending feeling of doom won’t go away, he hides himself behind parenting to keep the demons at bay.
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14. |
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A skit where Jesus and the Robot are at a New Years eve party and Jesus shares his resolution with Robot.
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15. |
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New Years Eve (Bring On The Assholes)
it’s new year’s eve, time to go out and act like assholes! oh fuck yeah!
for new years eve go ahead and get shit faced and go out in public there’s so much you can achieve. act like a jackass, the crowd will love it, give good judgement a reprieve, so the world and the community just what a great asshole you can be.
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Jesus & The Robot Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
We decided collectively to form a super band and to take over the world by making catchy and undeniably beautiful songs about an assortment of things. We figured that it will only be a matter of time before the our music spreads like a deadly wildfire that wipes out much plantation and housing thus causing much ruin. ... more
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